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On reflection...'maybees'..........

Posted on Apr 30th, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu


how I love the 'may' of May......................................full of promise and potentiality!!

we are granted daily the immense privilege of beginning afresh - of repairing the transgressions of yesterday and [with humility] preparing ourselves for the  journey ahead..

we can take this opportunity with gratitude, sincerity and determination..

after all, there is nothing else ahead but this virgin territory that is [continuously] unexplored, uncharted and open ended..

it is ours to play with, mould and thereby [with supplication] we can only unceasingly grow in  stature [wisdom], appreciation and compassion  ...

I wish you peace, fortitude and fecundity, fellow travellers on this day of days, on this may of mays...

with bows
 
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On 'getting what we need'..

Posted on May 7th, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu
It often strikes me..we don't always get what we want, but we always get what we need...

This 'I' that we carry with us, that at times we cherish, at others we try (erroneously)  to distance ourselves from..is truly worth close investigation..,

However, it is the manner of investigation that determines whether we come to an true, enlightened understanding of its nature, or whether we simply bolster, shore up and celebrate a false sense of pride, ownership and indeed arrogance...

[believe me, the distance between these two opposing perspectives is as minute as a grain of sand and immense as a cluster of galaxies...]

It is indeed a complex conundrum, this 'I' this 'me' this little self - it clings to our attention like a motherless child, that seduces us and convinces us that the answer to all desires lies in their immediate gratification...

It charms us into believing that all we feel, all we know is as a result of its immense wisdom and clarity..

It promises us delight, satiation and a sense of repletion...

and yet... and yet is it not true that, no matter how often we allow ourselves to fall prey to its siren-like manifestations, somehow, in some way, it is never..enough.  Not quite, almost.  Just for a second we are replete and satisfied; but oh, how short the moment is.  Before we know it, we want the next thing and the next....ad infinitum.. How boring, how frustrating this becomes...

There is another way, believe me..

Across that minute grain of sand, astride those myriad galaxies lies a True path..

It is not little me who discovered it - but I have been fortunate and blessed to have been shown the way by the wondrous and impeccable art of Meditation which is our birthright and rests with us aware or unaware, awake or asleep, alive or dead.........

The first rule is.........surrender...........we must be prepared to give up all our intellectual knowledge and beliefs........these simply obstruct our true awareness and will forever prevent us from discovering the unsurpassable and unimpeachible emptiness that lies at the heart of all existence..

this will come easily to those of us who have reached the limits of our little minds and found our endless desires unfulfilled.............

to be continued..............

with bows...
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On learning to forgive ourselves.............

Posted on May 10th, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu
 Uh huh... oh ohh..............once again I find myself transgressing my own (stringent as they have developed with increasing age) codes of conduct......................

No matter how hard I try, there is always something which  [I allow]  to trip me up..............

This is now neither a matter of life or death, (although in the grand, True scheme of things this is entirely so), nor life threatening......................

The practice is to,  continuously,  learn to forgive ourselves moments of transgression  -  and vow to try again, try again to do it better next time, or try again not to succumb to moments of weakness..................

Even when we continually fall down at the same hurdle...............

Just dust ourselves down, avoid slapping ourselves down and get on with it...............

Easier said than done, I must learn to accept my less than palatable habits...

How to be comfortable in our own skin, with all the imperfections and annoying volte-faces..

It's okay!!

Really, it's okay;  this is what, after all, makes us human  - and if we cannot love ourselves despite, despite.......... then we have lost the game..................

I forgive me and'll try harder next time:

To do the best i can...............

With bows,
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On the verge of awakening..................

Posted on May 13th, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu

isn't it truly amazing how people meet, collide and become friends.............across continents..............different worlds................different lives.................different times...................and yet, and yet, .................correspondence.....................united in this amazing journey of life..............this difficult, unfathomable, outrageous, inexplicable............and yet beautiful, limitless and wondrous panorama of feeling and experience.............

whilst you are dreaming right now it is early morning on this side of the pond and I have just arisen from my morning Sitting.................

things quite hard at the moment....life throwing challenges and trials my way, but thankfully am able to offer up all my woes and worries to the 'Sunyata' - [Emptiness] that is before me when I sit..............

'emptiness' is a strange but accurate and time-honoured way of describing the awakened state that is the essence of Zazen [a.k.a. serene reflection meditation - let's just call it 'Sitting'............]

well, that IS the essence of Sitting - to quieten the mind and allow the incredible reality that is the Awakened state to show itself without the hinderance and judgementalism of our intellect trying to direct the course of our understanding.

The secret with correct sitting is to ...........just sit.  With no agenda other than to spend the next 35 minutes allowing everything to settle down.  Just watch carefully what is going on in your mind - do not try to direct your thoughts.  Do not follow your thoughts, just notice them and allow them to pass across your mind.  Do not hold on to them, do not push them away.  No grasping, no avoiding.  Just watch, listen - the Truth will arise naturally, that I can assure you...

you will find at first that your mind is so so busy and crowded - that's okay that's cool - what is happening is that you are beginning to notice at a deeper level - bit by bit the busyness will disappear, for when you stop feeding and following your thoughts, they will dry up..........and THEN, oh boy, you will get it!!  A moment of bliss and serene reflective quiet that is...............indescribable but oh so real that it will guide you for eternity.....

with bows,

 
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On celebrating Life................

Posted on May 20th, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu
'Tis such a joyous word - 'celebration'.......................

goodness, if we consider the likelihood of all the elements coming together in the right proportions, quantities, densities etc, that are inherent in our bodily existence - the odds against such a coalescence must be...............trillions to one I should imagine!

How therefore can we not celebrate this magnificent Arising of Bodily Form - add to that the unbelievable intricacies of the Mind, its abilities and vastness and speculations, meditations and reflections; of course the third and most spectacular piece of the puzzle is the Spirit, the part of it all which brings the whole shebang together and of it all makes it One, Whole, Unique and simply Awesome..................

oh please, let us celebrate, sanctify and treasure this stupendous Life that we share ...............

CELEBRATE: 'to frequent; practise often; repeat; solemnise; honour; praise; make known; publish abroad........................

with bows,
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Run while you have the light of life.......................

Posted on May 21st, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu

Recently came across a brilliant piece of writing which introduced me to the 'Rule of St. Benedict'............................

What leapt off of the pages and hit me with great force was the synchronicity of his vision to that of Buddhism! [and, I guess, the root of all spiritual traditions..............] 

St Benedict was a sixth century monk of the Christian faith.

  • Stability - <suscipe me> - 'accept me O Lord as I am...........................................
  • Accepting myself and refusing to run away from myself is in essence what the vow of stability is all about.

  • Conversion - <conversation morum> - continual conversion to life..................
  • It means living open to change.

  • Obedience - <Listening>...................
  • Listening in its fullest sense; listening with every fibre of my being;  hearing and responding to that still, small voice....................................

I could wax lyrical on these matters, but, dear reader, I will leave the digestion to you to perceive the dynamic that underlies these profound thoughts.....................

with bows and gratitude,

             






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On being tested.................

Posted on May 23rd, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu
Let me begin by saying that I like to think of myself as a.........................gentleman, in the true sense of the word. 

I bear no malice towards any sentient being; moreover I vow daily to do everything in my power to help all beings in this purely difficult journey we face through our individual existences.................

I look out for those in need;  I delight in being able to help anyone in any little way in any context at any time; it feels good, it feels right to put myself back and help another........

please do not misinterpret what I am saying - I AM NO SAINT!! 

I'm just a regular guy and subject to all the 'normal' hang ups that we all face - I have desires, anger, impatience, greed: same as anyone.......................

And yet - and yet; I have acknowledged all of this and am working patiently, endlessly and tirelessly to 'try a little bit harder' to face up to these human manifestations and turn them around at every opportunity. I  learn to love myself as I am; this does not stop me trying to raise my game continuously...............but if we can not have compassion for ourselves and our frailties what hope is there for anyone else?

Having said that, I find myself being severely tested in dealing with some characters we run across in our daily lives that seem to exist in some other dimension of...........amorality, out and out selfishness, depravity and pure, pure evil..............stories we may read in the daily rags (I have stopped reading the 'news' - it is too hurtful and distracting and can derail the daily effort...........)
 
Some may be even closer to home and appear right in your face; this brings out the Truth of one's real state and I believe scratching the surface reveals we have animal instincts very close to our conscious deliberations..

This is where we need to step back and realise the depth of our understanding, beliefs and ACTIONS...................

Anger is a veritable teacher and how it arises, how it is dealt with in the reality of the moment in which it arises is extremely illuminating of our true state...

And yet.............and yet, this is a test; one of the many wondrous lessons I have learned through many many minutes /hours /years of Sitting is to..............observe/ observe/ observe.  What EXACTLY is going on when we 'feel' anger? 

Is it not but a thought/feeling accompanied by a bodily sensation?

If we can learn (painfully, slowly, repeatedly) to NOT act immediately on that thought/feeling, and simply be still with what arises, we can indeed go deeper into the moment of anger and truely behold a new arising of understanding (eventually............)

Bit by bit, piece by piece, we learn to uncover the mystery; what unfolds must be discovered by you, patient reader - but trust that it leads to a deeper humanity and, errr, love, compassion and no little wisdom................
(How desperately inadequate words become at times)

with bows,
 
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Random Lightness...

Posted on May 27th, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu
I must confess to a present 'lightness of being'...........a week off work and  'prandial responsibilities' allows me to wander through mental landscapes with an aimless, carefree and spontaneous tread...................

tho' bank holiday, the rain teems down  -  spring turns to grey dampness, yet the spirit, imbued with lightness of heart and freedom of expression is nevertheless glad - we accept all nature throws at us and deign to make judgement on its manifestation - sunshine/blue sky: great! 

pouring rain and clouds!  wonderful - especially for the verdant shrubbery in the garden that hang out green tongues with gratitude and reward us with all manner of colourful surprises...

turning to human affairs - I have been blessed with a beautiful and intelligent child later in life than expected; she constantly uplifts me and teaches me to remain, present, focussed and in touch with her reality - above all the love that flows between is is sweeter than any I have ever experienced and it is eternal......

I bear scars from past experience - who doesn't?  yet I grow into their memory and piecemeal these shadows evaporate into a present clarity and absolution.  I forgive myself and others who I put in the frame, past transgressions.. I guess all do the best with what they have at the time and I cannot hold on to resentment any more...

I thank all who have responded to my musings with gratitude and humility.

May you all continue to grow. prosper and enjoy the fruits of this transcendental existence with which we have been blessed.

with bows,
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This morning I cried..

Posted on May 29th, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu
This morning I cried............

Whilst Sitting, I cried.  I felt the hot tears running down my cheeks.

I cried at the vastness of things.

 I cried at the absurdity of things.

I cried at the beauty of things.

I cried at the wonder of things.

I felt embraced by the vastness of the universal principle - I felt ecstacy at the Peacefulness and Depth of the sunlight dancing across the wall in front of me.

I felt fathomless gratitude and thanksgiving for the immense privilege of being HERE, -  NOW.

I felt raging and pathetic anger at all the baseless suffering, hatred  and evil that overshadows every corresponding moment of bliss..

I felt a burning desire to rid the world of all stupidity, selfishness and greed..

I cried instead...

I cried tears of penance for wasted opportunities..

I cried for the embrace of the Eternal and I was not let down.

with bows,
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All is one.............

Posted on May 31st, 2007 by siafu : si@fu siafu
Heaven sent,

residing close by.

Just out of sight,

almost visible.

Not quite grasped - almost there................

A breath away; not withstanding.  Just a thought; on the tip of your tongue.

It will appear, surely.  Having said that, I am sure I got It yesterday, can't remember...

Yes, definitely, It was there, in front of me.  I was able to embrace It, and yet............

It is getting hazy.  Shimmering on the horizon, an arm beyond an arm's length away... 

One more step, surely. 

I can grasp It, I will grasp It...........I have got hold of It!

Darn, wrestled right out of my grasp.............

If I am really, really quiet and pretend to look the other way,

surely then It will be unable to resist my attempts to pocket It........

It has surrendered!! It has placed Itself entirely at my disposal!

Can't tell you how It makes me feel..

That is a closely guarded secret that It will not disclose - unless you open your hand,

release your grasp and It flies away....

Then and only then will Its true nature unfold before your very gaze........

All is one, one is all.
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