The beauty of silence is that I find it most powerful when I am surrounded by noise, if that is not too paradoxical. When I am sitting, especially early in the morning - [I rise at 4am and sit for 40 minutes before starting my day], it is quiet, peaceful - but in that space there is the sound of the body breathing, circulating blood, heart pumping, not least the thoughts that circumnabulate one's brain endlessly…………nevertheless within this cacophony there are glimpses of Silence that transcend the mundane and render all one's ' musings' to the recycling bin………….. No, it is in the noise and confusion and desperate disorder of the morning commute, the rushing home of a hot summer's evening, surrounded in the underground by hot, dissatisfied, sweating and proximous bodies, that I find Silence amidst the chaos - this is the wondrous silence that transcends all understanding and rationality - that confounds and denies dissemination. It is the Moment of the still, small voice that embraces one's poor soul and holds at bay the terrifying fears of annihilation and death that face us and emboldens us to walk forward in the knowledge that there is an Unborn, Undying, Uncreated that was, is and will forever hold us in Its embrace…………

Comes to mind the wondrous benefits of ......................waiting; waiting for the unexpected to occur, waiting for the washing machine repairman to come - dreaming of fresh shirts to wear; waiting for a phone call from a loved one, waiting for the train to arrive - shivering in the early morning frost at your suburban train station; waiting for your name to be called at the doctors, waiting for the day to arise, early in the morning - wondering what the day will bring; waiting for the mail - that important document to arrive that will transform your fortunes; waiting for..........whatever life's hand is to deal you........... on the wondrous merit of anticipation; for when we IMAGINE, the richness of our expectation far outweighs the tangible results........................for whatever truly arrives, it will only be a poor approximation of the imagined joy that precedes the 'fait accompli.'  Indeed once the arrival manifests, it is back to the drawing board.......onward to the next occurrence which once again we build up beyond realistic boundaries. The bottom line is Desire desire desire wants wants needs needs cant do without cant do without, if only if only, but for but for, et cetera.................... One can learn to rest deeply and contentedly in the pool of anticipation, indeed to find Truth and Satisfaction in the not having, not receiving, not accomplished - for therein lies True Reality in which the ever present promises nothing but yields everything............oh to experience the true humility of unrequited love, the bliss of not quite reaching the mark, the joy of missing an important appointment, the ecstacy of misunderstanding - for in these disappointments lies the power of Imagination to supply and enrich the anticipatory musings the "there is always the future"......... to beckon and impress the entrenched yearnings of the HeartMind that is everpresent effervescent................. We will bottom line never achieve True satisfaction - this is what Life is Showing us Teaching us to remain Grateful and Awed with the beauty of the Moment which is JUST AS IT IS ....................no frills attached....................with bows.

Each day that passes brings me closer................closer to Life..............closer to Awakening; for I have that 'still small voice' to guide me at all times, through good times and bad, through temptation and the desperate effort to avoid succumbing............ No matter how hard we try we cannot avoid Reality for ever.  All we need to do is to face up and brave the storm, the emptiness, the not knowing, the not understanding, the joy, the bliss, the pain, the anger, the fighting, the retaliative, the brick wall of our stubborness. Oftwhile I feel blessed, I feel blessed, I feel cursed - always it is my febrile self that is making these assumptions - need only to bow deeply and accept that Life will show us the Truth - the eternal way is laid out before me without deceit or chicanery - it is no easy matter/it is an easy matter to strip away the ravages of self importance and allow the Eternal to manifest in which ever way it does at this very moment................ Thank you Lord for granting me the gift of Life and the rare and unique ability to reflect on It's nature - I will forever bow down and give homage to this wondrous benifience and will for eternity love you and die for you each minute so that I may live with your Boundless glory in perpetuation, even when my little- fish -self rails and squirms to find it's base gratifications and momentary thrills which pale into insignificance in the great Scheme of your infinite Blessings...

Life is full of surprises.....................one day is divorced entirely from the next and there is absolutely no guarantee of continuity whatsoever.................. It is therefore of great value and importance NEVER to become too attached to any insight, mood, revelation and so on - likewise do not push away the 'malevolent', for therein lie teachings also - we cannot pretend to our Inner selves - the impulses that elbow their way to the surface have to be accepted and acknowledged - the Great Benefit is Not To Act On Them.................................. The great journey of which we are willing/unwilling passengers continues relentlessly and without pause..............there is no disembarkation (until the final stop over which we have no control) - it is also of UTMOST importance and urgency to become fully alert and a committed participant in the unfolding drama - for let us be honest - THERE IS NO HIDING PLACE................ Stand steadfast in the presence/glare of Consciousness - hold mind/body Upright against the intemperate meanderings of circumstance............and do your best to find Value and Goodness in all the viscissitudes that you encounter each moment............ thatz all for todae................

How fortunate I am....................... today is 'One of those maddening daze'................... never anything from first breath going "to plan"...................... [the best laid plans of mice and men.................] so much to learn from today already and it is only 11 o' clock................ if you knew me then you understand how much succour i get from these derailments..... a Lesson in how to make the most of a Bad job, an lovin it........................ no trace of cynicism here, I mean every word............. i take SO MUCH from unbending reality..................... we can learn to bow down with gratitude to these ongoing machinations and open our hearts to the unfolding little drama that is our fate and fortune... for it never lasts nor does it really matter in the Grand Scheme of Things........ let me learn to Laugh and Surrender in light of this truly hopeless enterprise............im lovin it.................... Homage to the Buddha Homage to the Dharma Homage to the Sangha....................

Arose 5am - bright eyed/bushy tailed.........................'upon a withered tree, a flower blooms'...................hardly in the spring of my life, yet a good morning Sitting refreshes me to the core...............back to school today after a week's holiday, ready to face the non-sequitors and brazen behaviours of my dear asd students.............

 There will be tribulations, they have had a break of routine and will take a few days to re-adjust to the familiar ......................

Spring is in the air......................and the greyish morning light is fighting for supremacy over the cold dark night............the irrepressible cooing of our friendly household moorhen filters into my study and a sly grey fox slithers silently through the undergrowth at the end of the garden................


Have a good day oh silent ones!!

When we speak of miracles we may think of supernatural events, but is not the greatest miracle of all that there is always a way forward and that we can find it in the here and now?

All we need to do is to sit still in faith and trust the meditation - all we need is the next step and that is what the insight that unfolds as we steadfastly train will offer us………….

On feelings of fear and anxiety: ”They are only shadows of the past, they cannot harm you. Keep your faith and go straight on.”

We can have faith that there is something within us that is not lost. This has nothing to do with hope or belief, it is trusting an inner knowing that within us is a place of peace that has never been touched………………..by any thought, feeling or emotion, a place that is deeper than any memory or experience we have been through, no matter how terrible it may have been………….

This is the Refuge, it's what we find when we meditate….it IS meditation, it is that upon which we can rely……………………..


homage to the Dharma............