treading lightly

on the floorboards of life,

propelling me forward -

 the earth's gentle spin

massages my body as

impassive divinities

 caress my thoughts.

harmony radiates through

the chambers of my heart,

as soft west winds

ease across my brow.

gratitude pierces my soul,

murmuring gently

into the channels of

my

consciousness..

humour, playful beckoning,

disguising forces of doubt

that surround the ether

with invisible aroma..

refusal to lie down with

despair...

a flirtatious smile,

disguised as a cloud

prods me into

awakening

as long as there is breath

in me

will I bow to

the bounteous generosity

of the eternal

for Its

gracious embrace...

Oh Karen, you died alone, senselessly, sadly.

Karen, I cried for you, despite everything, you did not deserve to die alone, so far from home, so painfully.

Karen, I forgave you a long time ago - you made your life the way you had to.  I do not judge you; I wish, all those years ago when we met, that my love for you had been enough...

Tragically, it wasn't...

We had children together; I tried to build us a home, a sanctuary for the well-being of our new little family - you destroyed it piece by piece; so many lives abandoned, so much hope and potential wasted, crushed - we are all still picking up the pieces...

You were my ‘inadvertent bodhisattva' - because I couldn't face your uncaring attitude and ruthless and endless pursuit of self-gratification, I lost it.  I discovered an immense anger and bitterness deep within; this terror drove me into the arms of Avalokitesvara and a discovery of a greater meaning and direction to my life - meditation, peace and the daily awakening that has become my life in Buddhism...

Dear Karen - you died the way you lived -irrationally...

Let us pray that you will leave behind selfish desires for eternity; from now there will be neither life nor death.

Love always,

Antony.

many paths

one route...

the royal road

is the one

I prefer...

hang up my worries,

trust

in the unfolding panorama...

no where else to go,

one foot in front of the other...

content to accept gradients,

unpaved stretches

[always potholes to fall into

 caught unawares]

fellow travellers!

 coming t'other way

hard figuring out demeanour;

some

 cut you up -

some

travel fairly -

some

 you feel correspondence with...

others

 driving technique leaves

 you feeling puzzled??

never alone for too long

yet always travelling light

never

 feeling too

attached to chassis,

vehicle

or indeed the path itself...

do ourselves a favour and tread lightly,

merrily...

tunelessly along our way,

avoiding nothing,

seeking nothing -

journeying for journey's sake

taking all with a pinch of salt

[sweetness and light]

casting aside

darkness...

[cock-a-snoot at the greyness

following on your flank...]

ignorance is ignoring but not unknowing

indeed quality time is had by you

you had

it

you can have it!

no strings attached

let go...

enjoy!

employ your awareness

discard your

intellect!

embrace your intuition

and fly fly fly..

there is no end in sight

[no need to take flight

no need to take fright]

embrace the light

and

die die die

to live again

in

glorious truth bliss and happen-ness

‘tis Truth!!

I write this as an inspiration to the last blog entry ‘Closure'..............which brought up the need to ‘show' PRACTICE...

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Ant,

Yes, it is all okay, as you say,

even all the 'down' sides, nay especially those moments of doubt, despair, bewilderment, anger, frustration, impatience, boredom...

for it is immersed in these moments that the real work can be done; if you can open to the abyss of negativity when it arises - I mean truly open, much is revealed...

You tell it well and I agree with what you say, my own experience tells me the same thing. But I think what's missing is the showing - showing always strengthens the message, mo matter what the subject. So I offer you this challenge: I would love for you to dive deeply into one of these moments that you speak of here and show us how the process works, show us an instance where somebody dived into "the abyss of negativity" and what was revealed to her/him as a result, show us what "real work can be done" by going to that place.

With love,
rudyan

_______________________________________________________

Dear Rudyan,

this is indeed a fair query - how many instances of the abyss I have encountered in my own lifetime is beyond description...

to take one instance, for example:  having virtually destroyed my life at the tender age of 25; finding my total consciousness in utter despair, anger, self-loathing: what did I do? 

What could I do?

Stop - stop everything.  Look inside.  Be still.  What exactly is this 'I' that is hanging on by a thread?

Where is it?

What is the fear?

Show me the fear.

In stillness, in looking deeply into the matter, 'I' dissolves...

It is a fragile shell, this notion of self-identity; to relinquish this little self is to dive deeper...

Scary?  Immensely...

For we do not know, rationally, intellectually, what lies beyond the realm of self...

To take this existential leap into the unknown requires courage; but there again the courage that follows despair is blind, unremitting...

Behold, a vast panorama of Experience and Knowing does indeed lie beyond...

This, dear friend, is where the words fail me - to express the inexpressible, to describe the indescribable...

A Knowing, a Peace, a Light, a Vastness, an Emptiness, A 'That Which Thou Art'..

An awakening that belies any notion of little self that puts personal woe and anxiety into a far greater perspective, beyond which is scarce imaginable...

Intimacy, yes, that is a word I like; intimacy with the Eternal, Understanding beyond hope, Joy beyond thought...

So, fear not, jump into the pit of despair, throw caution to the winds, embrace the pain, the hopelessness, therein lies the key to unlock the limited self-concept..

Try this for yourself - be a light for yourself and discover the Greatness that holds you in It's ineffable embrace....

with bows,

_______________________________________________________